Constructing My Perfect Woman

I was thinking a few days ago that perhaps my issues with women may stem from the fact that I've never sat down and figured out what I actually want in a woman. (Besides Kerry)

(Heavenly Chorus Plays)

Okay lets get back to the partial fantasy instead of the total one. In all these years I have just gone with the logic of "oh she's talking to me, I should marry her." And while I've been lucky a few times but for the most part my dating endeavors have been less than favorable. Figured I might want to try someone with similar interests for once. So after thinking long and hard,nohomo, I have compiled a list of qualities and traits that I would be present in my perfect girl.

1. I need me a HIP-HOP chick. Now I listen to music CONSTANTLY and in the past, I've settled for a girl with good tastes in music. And that was cool, cause it usually meant I didn't have to listen to "hollabackgirl" more than once a year. But if there's one thing I love it's a Lady who loves her Hip-Hop. I want a Girl who I can have an intelligent argument with about why Jean Grae is/isn't better than Blackthought, someone who knows the difference between 9th Wonder and J Dilla, someone who can put me up onto some illness I haven't heard before. I want to be able to take my girl to a concert and have her know more than the one song she's heard on the radio and be rockin' out right with me.
Good Example: Amanda Diva or Lauryn Hill

Bad Example: Da Brat or Lil Mamma

TESTS: Name all members of the Wu-tang clan without wikipedia or know any verse of any song off Mos Def's Black on Both Sides

2. Hmm let's go for someone athletic too. Imma dude so I like me some sports(not baseball, baseball is lame) so I imagined it would be nice to be with someone who also enjoyed them. It would be cool to go to the basketball court with my girl and actually feel good about crossing her up because she knew better than to reach. Or watch a game with her without her deciding to route for a certain team because their colors are nice or their QB is cute. And who knows, maybe she'll cross me...(I KNOW. AND SHE WON'T) I hate baseball.
Good Ex: Candace Parker/Serena Williams

Bad Ex: Chyna/Sporty Spice

TEST: Hit a 3 pointer while still looking cute. (I can barely do either half of that)

3. N*E*R*D (minus the "*") Basically, I want to be able to watch Star Wars movie without some chick moaning about it or making me turn it off. Hey if she enjoys it, I may go out and buy an engagement ring before the Ewoks show up. Knowledge of comics books is a plus too. I've actually said to myself is any girl that greets me the way MJ greets Peter Parker in their 1st meeting will always have my heart.
Good Ex: Tina Fey/Velma

Bad Ex: The Napoleon Dynamite Chick/Myrtle Urkel

TEST: Greet Me at my door with MJ's famous line.


4. Um, I'm gonna need a chick who can tolerate a broke dude. Yes I do have a full time job, but I also have an apartment and bills, so If you catch me at the wrong part of the month it's not pretty. I have no problem spending money on a girl I like, but if you're gonna be all mad that I couldn't afford to buy the SpagettiO's with the hot dogs for our gourmet dinner tonight well then I think this is where we part. Here just for the hell of it here's the Miss Independent remix.

Good Ex: Upgrade You Beyonce

Bad Ex: Pay My Bills Beyonce


5. A Smart Lady. I'm stupid, I need someone to teach me thingstuff. Someone to teach me to cook, another language, school me on some economics, tell me why I shouldn't eat a bottle of Flinstone vitamins a day, or just whup me in scrabble. Bring it on.
Good Ex:Couldn't think of anyone at the time so here goes Rosario Dawson

Bad Ex: Gretchen


6. Someone to put up with me. I am by no means perfect. I'm immature and joke around too much, slightly insane, I work too much, I'm only marginally good looking, there's the aforementioned brokeness, and occasionally I'm a jerk. So if all that is appealing to you... You need a doctor.
TEST: Put Up with Me

7. Someone with their own funky style or demeanor. Normal People are boring, and who wants that. Got some strange quirks? Cool. You like to wear a bagpipe with you where ever you go? Awesome. Got your elbow pierced? That's a little much for me. But until that thumbs up.
Good Ex: Jack Davey/Janelle Monae

Bad Ex: This scares me.

TEST: Be like them, but original. You know?

As far as appearance goes, I'm not too picky. I have no defense for a nice smile, and I'm partial to black girls, they've had the home court advantage thus far. Prefer the T, in T&A, but hey, they're both pretty cool.

As long as we're fantasizing: I think I'd like to go for a tall chick cause usually I deal with shorties, and I would love a chick with locks in her hair or something.
And maybe a dragon. (too much fantasy?)

So there we go, there's my loose outline of what my perfect girl would be like. And now I will go be depressed because she does not exist and I will never find her, nor will I look because... weren't you paying attention? SHE'S NOT REAL. Now lets go out there and be miserable team.

HIGH FIVE!