Monday, November 16, 2009

So you say your Roommate caught you trying to murder him in his sleep

It's the morning after, things are awkward, you may or may not have been hovering above your roommate's bed with a steak knife. You were?
Ok, we can work around that. We don't care why you did it, or if he deserved it, all that matters now is you didn't succeed and now we gotta deal with it. So what do you do?

- Deny. Don't panic, it was dark he was groggy. There's no way he could be sure it was you, or that it even happened for that matter. Tell him he was dreaming. And laugh with him about that part where you "proclaimed", "this is for all the times you never asked if I wanted anything before you ordered Dominoes!" If he asks how you'd know about that if it was really a dream, distract him with a Victorias Secret catalouge.

- Act Normal. So what if he suspects something? What's he going to do? Call the cops?
Yes. Yes he could easily call the cops. But why would he call the cops on his awesome roommate. Just do all the stuff you usually do. Like his laundry and dishes. Buy him tickets to see his favorite band, maybe a hooker. You know all the stuff you would do anyway regardless of the fact that he caught you trying to smother him as he rested. Again.

- Talk it Out. Sigh, so it seems he's upset about your attempted murder, well your upset too. So lay it all out on the table, not the table you were going to use to chop his body up, we may need that later. But listen about his concerns for his life and let him know why you want his severed head in a jar. About how his grooming habits sicken you, how he NEVER tells you when he knocks your toothbrush in the toilet and how he SUCKS at pictionary and... on second thought talking about it seems to be making you angrier. Let's skip that.

- Beg for Mercy. You don't want to go to jail, you don't want to lay awake at night worrying about retalliation and you don't want to ever own a Fergie-Era Black Eyed Peas album. Trust me.

So ask for forgiveness. People make mistakes and admit you did.

- Finish the Job. The only mistake you made was wearing your Godzilla slippers that make the Godzilla roar. Do it. While he still trusts you.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Friday, October 16, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hey Remember When I used to Post on here?

Me either.

Ok, I get back to it later. First. Nachoes.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Digger Freestyle Session Pt1

Archive footage from 2/3/09.

The Dillon, Coolist, Murda Mike and Wasi freestyle for about 2 hours nonstop. This is a portion of what Went down that day.

Go to the sites,

Cause these people are either smarter, cooler, more insightful, more talented, or more environmentally conscious than I am. But not funnier.

- For the ill sports/life analysis my boy Mike Benjamin

- Chronicling her trip to Africa is Court Hurt

- The roomy marcus, (maybe if people visit he'll update more)

- otha roomy Art Officiando his own originals and other stuff you should check for

- Childhood pal Grambo's crews' blog

- The 1 musical celebrity I legitimately know Mr. Jpatt's record label. Bottom line, they make ill music

- Dani D's plans for a cleaner world

- Hip-Hop Blog the homey Brandon contributes to

- Sudz & Carla's flygirl worldview

Unreleased Sketch Phone Call

Because it's taking me soooo long to finish this Robo Fuego 1.0 project I'm working on I figured I'd drop something I did that I never put up.

Frankly I think it's not really funny and therefore I neglected to post it. It was a good concept that never translated during production. So here goes Phone Call.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

BOUNTY hunter (explicit)

It's a dangerous job, so stay the F$*& outta my way.

(WARNING Explicit Language and EXTREME violence)

Other "The Dillon Originals"

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Friday, April 3, 2009

Back to Business Pt2

New comedy coming soon stay tuned

Damn Cocoa Fuego keeps the gifts coming.

Previous The Dillon aka Cocoa Fuego originals

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Back To Business Pt1

It's been a long time, I shouldn'ta left you, without a dope joke to laugh to

and all the older "The Dillon Originals" are linked here.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sunday, March 29, 2009

When Is okay to kick someone in the face?

The correct answer is anywhere after the :51 second mark.

Thanks to Sam-she-am for the link.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I just realized what makes me happy


What makes you happy?

and how do you make sure you never lose it?

If anybody has an answer for me, I got a cookie with their name on it.

Lt. Dan may not have 5 toes, But I Know 5 things.

1. I had a TV show in high school. A CABLE tv show. Bam in your face.
2. I may or may not own a Ninja Gi, My ninja-ness won't actually allow me to tell you.
3. I'll let my feet freeze before I would ever sleep in socks.
4. My first word was Taxi, being an infant in NYC will do that to you.
5. Used to have one of those little plastic cozy coupes toy cars as a kid, and I could still fit in one I would ride around NYC in it now. I promise.

Now Gimme 5 about you.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Artpad is cool

On the side of the page I have a section called soul drawings, where I put up a few sketches I did using This Artpad page . It's pretty cool. Check it out and let me see what drawings you made.

The video of your painting looks cooler in fast forward btw.

Upcoming Shows I will be attending

The Roots Present the Jam
on 4/1, 4/6, 4/21.

Every night Is a different brand new Experience.
check Highline Ballroom for information.

Afro-Punk & Bronx Underground Present:SMASH
Tuesday, March 31st 2009
@ The Studio
Webster Hall
125 E. 11th Street (between 3rd & 4th Ave.)

Hitting up the 9:30 Show Webster Hall Info

Blackstar (Mos Def & Talib Kweli)
May 30th

You don't want to be missing these shows, hit me up in the comments (or call if you got it) if you wanna roll.

I Don't Know A Lot about Me, But I know 5 things.

1. I've Never Smoked, cigarettes or anything else
2. Some days I forget to brush my teeth, those are usually the days I forget to go outside
3. Love going to see live music
4. Often just sit and watch the moon when I can.
5. I always laugh at the word duty. Always.

So gimme 5 about you.

Back to Blogging

So yeah went on a ridiculously long break, get over it, I got stuff to do.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

This is A Poem I wrote

Dear President Barack the day is new and bright,
I just finished my taco, and there is no toilet in sight
you preach on hope and responsibility
mean while my insides are killing me
No one holds as much control over destiny as you do

I call it The President and The Poo.

I am an artist.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Apparently the one day I'm not at work

A plane crashes. Everyone survived so that's awesome. Here's a funny video.

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Monday, January 12, 2009

How bout some random Thoughts?

So since we're getting a Notorious biopic, how long until we get a movie based on the real greatest rapper alive Skee-lo. I say we call it, A Little Bit Taller. A Little Bit Taller Coming Summer '09 Starring Larenz Tate

Tom Cruise has an eye patch. I want an eye patch. And an Evil Goatee.

Do Not Watch this.

You watched it didn't you. I told you not to, that was pretty disgusting. You just don't listen.

This picture makes me happy

But not as happy as this

GO Eagles.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The New Most Hilarious thing this year

Okay we have a new winner. A flow chart.

You might want to save an enlarge it, and if you recognize what it is its worth it.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Easily the Most hilarious thing I have seen All year.

I mean sure the year is only 2 days old, but still....

(and in unrelated news Evil Sandwhich is coming)