A Calvin & Hobbes tribute...

#SadHashtagSunday Vol1 12/18/2011 #NoOneLovesMe

Every Sunday I take it upon myself to search twitter for the most upsetting hashtagged topics and find the loneliest, most ungrateful dramatic people on the internet. I then share what I find with the people. 

I don't do it for me, I do it, for YOU. 

This weeks search: #NoOneLovesMe

@TheDiLLon1  http://thedillonwon.tumblr.com/

#DillsDayInCourt Part 1 (AS SEEN ON TWITTER)

The Following is the exact twitter transcript of my day in civil court on 10/27/11 - 

The following are true events. Only names, places, dates, times and facts have been changed for legal purposes.

9:00AM - Off to court for a rent dispute. Instead of preparing properly just gonna play Jay-Z's guilty until proven innocent on loop.

9:30 -Worst part about court is not being allowed to tweet cause phones are supposed to be off. Oh. They saw me. Think I'm going to jail now.

10:07 - phone is confiscated. Excuse of "Why have free wi-fi if I can't use it?" does not suffice. Note taking begins. I look smarter.

10:11 - Grown man with ponytail walks into courtroom. I want to make fun of him on twitter. This is not possible at the time.

10:13 - @cushkobain informs me I'm not allowed to "Approach the bench, object, or yell 'THIS WHOLE COURTROOM IS OUT OF ORDER'."

10:15 - I learn judge will be female. I unbutton the top 3 buttons on my shirt.

10:17 - I see said judge. Swiftly rebutton shirt.

10:18 - Bored. Decide to nap.@CushKobain can handle this.

10:19 - I am awoken. Rudely. Decide court looks way more fun on Harvey Birdman.

10:26 - Despite crowded courtroom, I see no 1 I would have sex with. Maybe some cuddling. Maybe.

10:30 - To pass time I ask if any1 has played Arkham City. I learn I'm not supposed to be talking. No word on Arkham City.

10:33 - Guy next to me's phone goes off. I snitch. Immediately. Gotta get on judge's good side.

10:38 - I pass a note around to see if anyone wants to cuddle afterwards.

10:43 - One taker. Whatever happens the day will not be a complete loss.

10:48 - Spot TV hanging in corner of courtroom. Ask if we can put Sportscenter on so I could see the Top 10.

10:52 - I miss the Top 10.

10:57 - Begin to play Tic Tac Toe with @CushKobain. He wins 3 times. Fuck tic tac toe.

11:01 - Wish I had a star witness to call. Maybe Batman...

11:03 - Court clerks' show of authority while enforcing "no food or drinks" begins to turn me on. Doubt she is a good cuddler.

11:07 - There is a spider on the wall. This will undoubtedly keep my attention for the rest of the day.

11:07 - I wonder what's happening on twitter. Bet that rascal Joe Budden is up to something crazy.

11:07 - Attempt 1 to start the wave was unsuccessful. Court sucks.

11:09 - Contemplates how weird it would be if sign over judge actually read "In God We Thrust"

11:15 - Reminds self to ask judge "if anything said in the court of law can be used against me in the court of law" She will laugh.

11:17 - Woman enters court w/ baby. I am jealous. I should've brought a baby. Would have got me sympathy.

11:18 - Baby begins crying. I am no longer jealous.

11:25 - MIDGETS!!!! Nuff said

11:30 We are called. People's Court theme doesn't play. I object.

11:31 - Suddenly wish I had my Lawyer. Or my Mommy. Or my Lawyer's Mommy.

11:32 - Settlement is offered. I want to issue a challenge for a winner takes all cage match.

11:33 - Distracted by the fact my fly has been down all day & undoubtedly miss important information.

11:35 - Judge threatens to hold baby in contempt. I applaud.

11:40-1:00PM Boring Lawyery courty deliberatey stuff.

2:00PM - Get home eat sammich. The End. Dill's Day in Court Part 2 coming in December. Oh yeah they gave me my phone back too.

END TRANSCRIPT. 

Dill Drawings: Series 2



Mer-Maid

Cyclops Blind Date

Superman that Hoe

Mario's Breakfast

Anger Management

Col. Guile's Haircut (people hated this one)

"Iron" Man

The Episode You Missed

Dog Sled

Racist Tetris: The TRUE GREAT WALL

Jimmy Crow

The Battle Begins

Upcoming Shows

G.R.I.T.S. Sunday Dinnahs - 6/12/11

 6/12/11 Sunday, June 12th
8pm
Choice Kitchen and Cocktails--Private Room
(3rd Avenue btw 27th and 28th Street)

Hosted by: Brandon Collins

Satisfying your comedy appetite with performances by:
Justin Brown
Boris Zilberman
Dillon Stevenson
Lori Chandler
Dan DelColle
Rob Santos
Dan Barry
Joshua Sankey
Charlie Kasov

NO COVER. NO DRINK MINIMUM
Drink Specials all night!!! $4 beers, $5 wines, $6 cosmos

All the Dill Drawings Explained.

So a few weeks ago I was bored at work. I purchased some colored pencils. I started drawing. These are the results & explanations. 

Stegosaurus in a Hot air Balloon: Nothing special Here. It is what it is. 

The Museum Trip: That's supposed to be a Barney The Dinosaur skeleton.

Scuba Lunch: Peanut Butter & Jellyfish...

Rock Em Sock Em Robots Playing BattleShip

Dilex Watch: It's ____ Time

Tim Duncan's Donuts

Fortune Cookie Monster

Every Birth in 1993*: Doctor delivers baby singing Whoomp There it is.

The Awkward Moment When Eskimos Spot Seal

Rah Rah Like a Dungeon Dragon: Tribe Called Quest, scenario, dragon has nothing to say

Pooh Bear vs Yogi

Ms. Pacman Slept with Sonic & that's the baby

High Heels

What Came First

Home Improvement: The Other Side of the fence

GirlyousoExtra on twitter wanted a personal drawing

Gilligan & the skipper playing volleyall w/ castaway's Wilson

Hungry Hungry Hippos Decide what to eat

The potato heads have sex

Rudolph & the booty Destiny's Child members console Pluto

Dr. Doctor Doom.

A. C. Slater = Air Conditioning

Jolly Ranchers

Curious George Killed the Cat

My G.R.I.T.S. crew did a radio show without me

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